This blog is about all games being compared to my greatest playing experience in my lifetime, and my quest to find another game that can beat the current placeholder since 30th November 1998 The current placeholder is of course no other game than Baldurs Gate, Baldurs gate 2 to be precise. So far in my life, this is the game I've had most fun with, and spent most time with out of all the single player games I've played.
Now do note that i do prefer RPG and Strategy games, so you might not see too many FPS games in this list, but I will occasionally try other games too, and if there's any requests out there then I'm happy to oblige unless you want me to try The Sims or any other EA Game...
In this blog, I will write my own opinions about any game I see fit to write about, and I will do so with as much class and style as I can possibly try to manifest. After a review of various length depending on my mood, I will summarize the game by comparing it to the world renowned Baldurs Gate Comparison Test, which was written by some of the smartest men in modern history.
So what exactly makes Baldurs gate such a great game? I'll give you a short list that can only
try to summarize the pure awesomeness of this game, and which will totally annihilate and humiliate
any game that dare try to reach the infamous High Score..
Beware that some common sense is required in order to comprehend this test, so don't bitch about it
if you can't figure it out, then obviously Baldurs gate isn't a game for you.. try this other game that
I'm about to write about instead..
- Graphics : 10 (For its time)
- Epilepsy factor : 10 (high means no epilepsy involved)
- Sound Effects : 9
- Music : 10
- Voice Actors : 9
- Voice Depth : 9
- Replayability : 9
- Storyline :10
- Tension : 9
- Originality : 10
- Strategic Possibilities : 10
- Loading Time : 10
- Possibly Challenging : 10
- Length : 10
- Feeling of Wasting Time : 10
- Common Sense required : 9
- Desire to commit suicide because nothing will ever be so awesome like this in your entire lifetime and nothing you ever do can ever compare to anything that happened in this game? : 10
- Total score : 9.6
Now.. the first game to try out this test will be no other than The Sims. Because i want to give them a fair chance, i will not compare Baldurs gate to each single game and expansion, but rather pool them all together and see if I can spawn something malevolent.
Let me first start off by admitting that i have in fact played The Sims, and before I decided to review them too... I'm not ashamed, honestly, I think it's a good experience for any man to have tried, it's like having sex with a fat chick, everyone should try it once, and then once again because it wasn't that awful and you could do it again, and it was so easy and playable, you just kinda rolled with it.
- Graphics : 3 (For its time)
- Epilepsy factor : 10 (high means no epilepsy involved)
- Sound Effects : 1
- Music : 4
- Voice Actors : 1
- Voice Depth : 1
- Replayability : 7
- Storyline : 1
- Tension : 1
- Originality : 4
- Strategic Possibilities : 5
- Loading Time : 1
- Possibly Challenging : 2
- Length : 10
- Feeling of Wasting Time : 1
- Common Sense required : 1
- Desire to commit suicide because nothing will ever be so awesome like this in your entire lifetime and nothing you ever do can ever compare to anything that happened in this game? : 1
- Total score : 3.5
After playing this for the first time, I felt like I really should be doing something, like going to fifth grade and reading a story about a carnivorous wolf wolfing down some juicy steaks so I can learn a lesson about working hard and building a wall so I can keep the mongols out of my property. Anyway.. I think I wasted a few days of my time on this, dreaming away that someday I would get married and move to a house with a swimming pool and getting kids that the scary black girl would come take away every now and then (I guess that's where my fear of black people stealing my babies comes from, Thanks EA for bringing the world closer through fear of black nuns)
Then I got bored and went over to playing Zelda or Diablo or something like that.
Four years later and the Sims 2 pops up, so i have to try that too right, i mean.. I did sort of enjoy the first game and I'm a gamer whore who tries anything on any computer. So i got the game and i tried it out, A few days pass and i realize it's the same shit as the first one with the same graphics and the same voices and the same nookie wookies that you can't masturbate too at all :( And by this time around I'm in the 9th or 10th grade and I'd discovered that there's actually porn waiting for me in a box right next to the download link, so I tried clicking that instead and enjoyed playing that game for a while until I got bored and played the awesome game Pirates which I got totally hooked on after having seen and loved the Movie series like every other kid out there. Also.. World of Warcraft was released, which was the start of a very expansive era in mmorpgs, also a tiny disaster for boys grades all over the world.
A few more years pass and I become a more adaptive and agile gamer as my mind was nearing its peak capacity and my worldly wisdom grew to unknown heights. It's 2009 and The Sims 3 is released, and foolish as I am, I installed it, even as all the voices in my head tell me to sit this one out after the Spore catastrophe from EA just a few months prior.
As I'm looking at the loading screen I can't help but like the music they play for me, reminds me of being in an elevator at a mall... a crowded mall with crappy smell from the herpes surrounding my presence. A mall where I don't even want to be but I'm dragged against my will to carry bags and bags of clothing articles and various shoes for someone I won't mention the name of in fear of being denied more gaming time. I also learned finished Monopoly on my cell phone by the time the loading was finished, which I give this score:
- Graphics : 2 (For its time)
- Epilepsy factor : 10 (high means no epilepsy involved)
- Sound Effects : 5
- Music : 1
- Voice Actors : 1
- Voice Depth : 1
- Replayability : 10
- Storyline : 4
- Tension : 4
- Originality : 4
- Strategic Possibilities : 6
- Loading Time : 8
- Possibly Challenging : 3
- Length : 4
- Feeling of Wasting Time : 2
- Common Sense required : 3
- Desire to commit suicide because nothing will ever be so awesome like this in your entire lifetime and nothing you ever do can ever compare to anything that happened in this game? : 1
- Total score : 4.1
I played the game for a total of 6 hours, which gave me enough time to finish college, move in with the love of my life, who also happened to by my step sister from the mother i also tried moving in with during my college time. After having 2 kids and still no job, i decided to cheat and summon some cash so my kids won't starve. (don't judge me, it's for the greater good)
Now that i was rich, i bought everything I could as fast as i could in order to be cool and have friends come over for parties and look at all my cool stuff, but no one showed up because they all hated me for beating up this stupid clown back in school, and they were all afraid of me. So I quit playing since if they don't want to hang out with me, I'll burn them all down to the ground! so I threw the game in the garbage bin after changing the icon to a fireplace.. take that sims society!
The game was crap and I ended up going to the army in order to pass time faster so maybe a worthy contestant for Baldurs Gate would arise, maybe this Dragon Age I heard so much about, i hear the amount of dragons in this gate far exceeds the amount in Baldurs gate, so it might be of great success.. but that's a story
for another blog.
I hope you enjoyed my first rant, and that you'll enjoy my future rants as they perspire out my brain
